Its been a few weeks since the woman in TN "returned" her son to Russia after being home little more than 6 months. The shock of the news I suppose has worn off a bit, but certainly not the firestorm of repercussions to thousands of children and families waiting...
While I have no idea what experiences led this family to that outcome, I thank heavens cannot imagine being there. I can however imagine what my children might have thought about it. I did not expect anyone to come out and have a conversation with my boys about it since they are all under 7, but I did/do worry they will overhear someone asking me about it.
So I decided to have a chat with my 5 and 7 yr olds in case they happened upon the story...I did not dwell on the abandonment issue, just the facts. They wanted to know why the mom sent her son away...I suppose that is what we would all really like to understand. But the biggest thing for them to grasp was that she put him on a plane---BY HIMSELF! this was shocking to them. Not surprising since in their experience, they go nowhere without an adult who loves them---no matter how naughty they have been. There is always hugs and kisses and a happy tuck in at bedtime.
I know for my guys their experiences as infants, while still overwhelming to them, since coming home have allowed them to heal. My babies had issues, Aleks was so quiet he never cried, even when he had to have been hurt. He was "easy" as in not demanding but I was so worried about him. Would he ever talk? Well with lots of attention, dr visits, and speech therapy yes---but it was 2 years before I could hope that he would be "typical"...With Luke, oh my he was the Tasmanian devil with mood swings that made your head spin. He also pulled his own hair and banged his head on the floor. It was six months before his hurting himself subsided. It was constant vigilance on my part. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. He would cry for hours, not because of anything you could see...He cried if I put him down, if I picked him up, if I left the room...I wondered if he would ever feel safe. Physically he was ok, growing, developing as he should be. But emotionally he was scarred. He is 5.5 now and those first months home are a distant memory. My youngest is just 29 months and probably had the easiest transition. But even with little ones there can be adjustment issues.
I knew this because I researched...I prepared, and still it seemed VERY difficult some days.
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